Now, I am healthy.
On the surface I'm okay.
If you ran into me right now, on a street somewhere you wouldn't find anything out of the ordinary. I'm very average looking. Well, I'm average looking if you consider greasy jeans and hay dusted hair average. I'm a farmer by birth and a student (at the moment) by trade. I have an amazing husband that I've been married to for a month and he has been my best friend for six years. Through the week I work all day long and on Sunday my husband and I teach an amazing group of 9 year old kids. I'm a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latterday Saints. Not a perfect member, but I'm okay with that.
For a long time I've had a living turmoil inside of me. I've done an excellent job at hiding the turmoil from the world. I know for a fact that I am not alone in this endeavor of keeping myself hidden. Although you would think that after twenty years of living I would learn to move on. In a way, I have moved on. The pain is no longer so urgent. The anger is absent. However, the nightmares still haunt my sleeping hours.
I'm not a writer by trade. In fact, I despise writing. The stories I have after 20+ years are bottled up inside of me and and are practically writing themselves. If no one reads this blog, that is perfectly okay. This blog is for me. I'm tired of the nightmares and I'm ready to completely move on. I'm writing this to gain an understanding and to invite my Savior to help me overcome.
My hope is that someone else might have the desire to make this journey with me. That another might see a resemblance of their life in my words and have the strength to move forward a few more baby steps. Life is sweet, precious, but incredibly difficult. My story is not much different from others, but that doesn't change the fact that it is completely mine.
That is me and I'm trying to get a little deeper than the surface.
